St. Gilbert visits Fenwick University
About the Visit
On December 28, 1930, G.K. Chesterton visited our illustrious institution. All the students of Fenwick University returned from Christmas break early and reconvened on campus for this special occasion. A small group of students, known as “the Little Snowdrops,” came to campus even earlier and reportedly got together to celebrate the 12 days of Christmas in the way that the medieval and Renaissance English did (nerds). On December 26 at 4:17am, they kicked off their Saturnalian festivities by reading Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night. They sang the songs of Sir Toby and the Fool each subsequent night. It is said that Chesterton arrived in town before the day’s third hour and entered the library where he began to socialize with administrators. He soon escaped to wander Carbunk Hall to avoid more socializing with Fenwick administrators like Philippe Boisdelierre (whose conversation he found detestable and whose countenance he thought was too much like that of a statue).
In his wanderings, he came across the foolish Little Snowdrops and befriended the little things, for he preferred their company to that of the administrators (worry not, the quality of the Fenwick administration has increased since those days. It is rumored that some descendants of the Little Snowdrops now run it). The Little Snowdrops taught Chesterton their songs and enjoyed a secret audience with him. It is unknown what occurred during this meeting. It should also be noted that Chesterton had visited another institution on December 14 of the same year. The visit was unremarkable, as all things that occur at colleges and universities other than Fenwick are.
Newman - The Nose
Shakespeare - The Lover
Shakespeare - The Lover
Shakespeare - The Lover
Shakespeare - The Lover
Shakespeare - The Lover
Cervantes - The Fighter
Shakespeare - The Lover
Cervantes - The Fighter
Chaucer - The Unread
Shakespeare - The Lover
Cervantes - The Fighter
Dante - The Italian
Virgil - The Plagiarist
Virgil - The Plagiarist
Virgil - The Plagiarist
Virgil - The Plagiarist
Virgil - The Plagiarist
Homer - The Blind One
Virgil - The Plagiarist
Homer - The Blind One
"My Visit to Fenwick University"
A previously unknown work by G.K. Chesterton, recently discovered by archivists of the University
I first entered campus in the cold of the day light's third hour at the base of the steps leading to the University's library. Upon entering the illustrious and world renown library, where I was received by 7 of our civilization's greatest contributors to the cultural canon, who themselves are lauded as honorary Fenwickians by students and staff alike, I was given a brief tour of the University's impressive collection of books. They housed several volumes of poetry, literature in many tongues, and, out of charity, even allowed for the allotment of some of their precious library space to store scientific texts, treatises, and technological manuals.
After my visit to the library I was given the liberty to wander around the university halls, where I endured some perhaps rather unfortunate adventures whose details need not be concerned here. The university president greeted me outside, the sun now fully set and a radiant first quarter moon shown bright among a blanket of stars wrapping itself around the cosmos, then we proceeded to sup in the university's dining hall. So far I had seen how the university attained excellence in all things, and dining was certainly no exception. We supped on beef tongue, peas, potatoes, and various root vegetables, topping the meal off with an exquisite Italian ice cream (I, for one, did not know that there were anymore innovations to come from that peninsula).
The next day the university presented me with grand send off. I felt a great stink when I had heard that the ambassador of France had come to the event in the hopes of getting a nice photo so he may, upon his inevitable return to his native continent, boast to his peers his commitment to the transatlantic tranquility. An army of students accompanied by the marching band gathered to wish me farewell outside the library. To commemorate the visit I planted a crabtree near the library. The student body was much more Irish than I had anticipated. A senior at the university presented a gift to me on behalf of the whole university. It was a blackthorn walking stick made of pure Irish wood. I soon quipped to the audience that from this moment on I shall make no more rude remarks about the gaels of Ireland. As I expected, the comment was well received and the sea of black and red hair erupted in laughter; though I must note here that I am fully serious about my remark. Following a the band's rendition of a beloved Christmas Carol, the Boar's Head Carol, I departed from the lovely campus more joyful than when I arrived.
